TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on
the income.
AMERICAN VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them
to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an
associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred
via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your
listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with
an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United
States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the
release. The public buys your bull.
OLD STYLE AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and
force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when
the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you
want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market
them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you
have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You
count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and
open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You
charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest
the newsman who reported the numbers.
A SWEDISH CORPORATION You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda
cute.
